


Tales from the SMP: The Adventures of a Norted Green Boy

by TheRamPaige



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Kingdom Hearts (Video Games), Minecraft (Video Game), Tales From The SMP - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Dream is a Little Shit, Gen, Keyblades (Kingdom Hearts), Nobody!Tommy, Pandora's Vault, fuck I never thought I'd have to see those two words next to each other, i have no idea how to tag this, look man this came from a very cursed discord conversation after Tales
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:41:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29865150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRamPaige/pseuds/TheRamPaige
Summary: Mr Xehanort just kinda shows up and tries to take our shitty green man's heart cus it's got a lot of angsty darkness and child abuse in it, he just ends up banned tho. (What a nerd)Dream gets norted, but it didn't really do anything to him because he's canonically a god, so he just gets a keyblade now because sure why not.I'm sure he won't do any crimes with it. :)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 20





	1. Cringe Old Man Gets Banned (not clickbait)

Dream sighed heavily from his corner of the prison cell.

He sat with his legs splayed, back to the wall, across from Tommy. Or well, it was Tommy’s corpse right now, he was waiting a couple days to do a revival again, so the body just sat there for now.  
He drummed his fingers absently on the floor, and dog-eared the pages of his little afterlife research journal he’d been keeping, trying and failing to distract himself from how painfully dull it was in the cell.

He was so sick of being stuck in here, even with Tommy to play with, and it was getting to the point where he would do just about anything for a change of scenery.

Huffing, he flipped through the journal pages again, seeing the same disappointing information that told him to wait before reviving Tommy again, but he chose to ignore it.

Research be damned, he wanted to talk to somebody, or maybe he just wanted someone to kick around for a bit to blow off steam.

He mumbled the forbidden language under his breath, reaching a golden glowing hand out to ghost through the boy’s still chest, drawing his soul back from wherever it had wandered off to.

“LOL XD”

Predictably, Tommy’s eyes shot open with a flash, and he started coughing and shaking a bunch, muttering about Wilbur again. Dream rolled his eyes and went back to his corner, letting him come to consciousness before playing with him.

A little less predictably though, inky purple smoke started oozing from the floor a few seconds later, swirling into a large oval shaped dark cloud. Out from this cloud stalked an old man, hunched over and bald, dressed in some rather slutty medieval garb.

Dream flinched back, scrubbing his hands over his eyes in disbelief. Had he forgotten to eat again? He hadn’t hallucinated this vividly since before Tommy got here, it was surprising to say the least. What further surprised him was when the man spoke.

“Ah… so this is the world. What a very interesting one, filled with so much light, and yet, teeming with darkness to match it tenfold. It will be most adequate.”

His tone was low and gravelly, unfamiliar.

Before Dream could even open his mouth to question anything, Tommy piped up, groaning, still obviously out of it.

“Who… who the fuck are you? Am I still dead? Wilbur! When did this geezer get here?”

The man gave no indication that he’d heard him, simply turning to face Dream with a smirk, a very large and strangely shaped sword appearing in his grip with a flash.

“Your darkness will be legendary- to think, a god with a heart, one to bear my legacy!”

“Uh… what does that mean?” Dream asked tentatively, raising his hands in defense and backing up into the wall behind him.

The man just laughed, raising his weapon above his head. Lights started twinkling at the end of it, congealing into a glowing orb- he was charging an attack. Panicked, Dream tried to process what was happening, to come up with some way to understand, to defend himself-

The old man stumbled suddenly, breaking his focus and whatever spell he had been readying. He whirled around, angry, finding Tommy staring up at him indignantly, foot still poised in the air from when he’d kicked him seconds prior.

“Oi! I was talking to you, you know. Who are you? Other than an old idiot of course. Also don’t call Dream a ‘god’, he’s just a green bitch, have some respect.”

The old man scowls.

“Fool.” He scoffs, before slashing his blade abruptly at Tommy. He squawked, and Dream sighed, rolling his eyes. He was slightly annoyed, but not really upset. He had seen plenty of blood in his day, and he had killed Tommy himself already once today; it was whatever. He would just have to bring him back again later.

Something was different though; the sword didn’t slice into skin or cloth like it should, it instead left a glowing line in the air across his chest. Tommy seemed more bewildered than hurt, eyes flicking between the line and the old man, who glowered down at him.

“Is this like… a shitty magic trick or…?” He begins, but before he can finish whatever snide remark he was planning on saying, the line flared brightly, a crystal of some kind came flying out of it, and he slumped over, limp. His body promptly disappeared, fading away into black thorny particles.

Dream looked on in fascination, and a bit of concern over the loss of his favourite toy. The crystal hovered in the air, and he could make out that it looked like a heart made of pink glass. It just floated there, glowing and spinning, but then the old man did this weird thing with his hands. 

He wiggled his fingers, waving his arm in a flourish. It was very cringey, and a little cliche in terms of villain mannerisms in Dream’s opinion.  
This caused the same dark smoke from before to curl around the crystal, solidifying into… well, Dream had no idea what the fuck it was.

It was like a little insect-like creature, all inky black with claws and piercing golden eyes. It twitched erratically as it fell to the obsidian floor.

The man turned back to face him like nothing was amiss, his lips set in that smug smile again.

“Let us delay no more; give me your darkness!” 

The man thrust his weapon out again, light gathering at it’s tip.

“Look man, I have no idea what you’re talking about, what exactly do you want? And what is all of this? Also how did you get in-?”

The old man lunged, his spell firing off to hit Dream in the chest. Dream gasped at the strange feeling, it wasn’t anything like a potion or other status effect, more like.... kinda like the Egg? There really wasn’t a good way to describe it; it was a foreign presence in him, and he wasn’t so sure he appreciated it.

He leveled a mild glare at the old man, who was leering at him with a downright creepily eager expression. The small black creature clawed at his ankle, and he kicked it away.

“What was that? Also what is that little… thingy, and where’s Tommy?” He asked, crossing his arms.

The man laughed again, letting his weapon dissipate into glitter, settling his hands behind his back.

“You are mine now boy, and your friend is lost to the darkness. Come, we have work to be done.”

Dream raised an eyebrow.

“Uh, I can’t just leave, I woulda done that a while ago if I could. Also dude I’m not into that kinky shit, I’m not just gonna go with you.”

“Tch, such a pity a god is as foolish as his disciples, a pity and a treasure ripe for the taking. You will come with me, I have laid claim on your heart.”

Unimpressed and frankly annoyed with this stranger’s cryptic nature, Dream came to a decision he had been mulling over ever since he had first realized this unfamiliar man was real and on his server.

“Yeah... this is too weird. What’s your name?” He asked, absently opening up the chat.

“My name, and soon yours, is and always will be Master Xehanort. Enough talk, we must-”

“...and how do you spell that?”

Xehanort fixed him with a withering glare.

“I am not playing games, boy.”

“Oh! Never mind, I think I’ve got it.”

[Master Xehanort is no longer whitelisted]

Well that was the end of that!

...or maybe not; the presence remained.


	2. Shit Man and his New Best Friend; Punching Bag

Dream didn’t know what to make of it, this presence, this strange feeling in his chest.

It was like there was a pocket of cold water just… sitting in his ribcage. 

It didn’t hurt, it was just very noticeable, and he had no idea what it was. Still, Dream was a curious guy; for him, not knowing about something was almost as bad as getting stabbed.

Speaking of getting stabbed, what had happened to Tommy?

He paced his cell, pondering, scribbling theories and questions down in his journal.

The Xehanort guy had been weird, using magic that didn’t exist in any part of the server. He hadn’t killed Tommy, Dream would be able to sense him in the afterlife if he was, but he certainly wasn’t alive either in the traditional sense.

He considered the possibilities; teleportation? Maybe a glitch through the wall? Neither of those made sense, he hadn’t seen any ender pearls or portal blocks, and the old guy hadn’t had OP privileges like he did.

What else could it be though? He huffed in frustration, and the cold feeling in his chest expanded for a moment.

If only he could get out of this stupid cell, then he would get some answers. He half regretted not taking whatever way out Xehanort had been talking about before banning him, other than that, his only escape would be Sam letting him out, and that would never happen.

He knew it was going to get really boring really fast with nobody to talk to, nobody to experiment on, and he  _ hated _ being bored.

God he could already feel it too, he couldn’t actually make any progress on finding Tommy beyond what he already had, and what else did he have? Lava, obsidian, shit water, that was it!

Or maybe it wasn’t.

The little… thingy, the creature that had come from the crystal heart thing, it was scratching at his ankles again.

He punted it across the room, and it bounced off the wall with a very satisfying noise, like a demonic kick ball. Like Tommy, he thought fondly. Unlike Tommy though, it didn’t go still after repeated kicks to the head; it kept slinking back over to him on it’s gangly little legs.

Well maybe it would have to do for entertainment, at least for now.

For a while he simply brutalized it, kicking and punching it off the walls, impressed with it’s durability- invulnerability? He wondered if it could die, if it was alive even. He liked it.

When he got tired of violence, he started trying to communicate with it, trying to see if it could make sounds, or do anything interesting. It mainly just crawled around like a twitchy racoon, and it wasn’t much for conversation, but he found if he focused on the cold feeling in his chest, it would perk up and stare at him, and go where he asked it to. He could control it. 

It felt like… he was supposed to.

It was fascinating.

Dream focused hard on the cold, pointing to a spot on the floor about two meters from him. The creature stared at him, ambling over to where he directed it to before starting to idly twitch in place.

Delighted at his progress, he pushed harder, subconsciously reaching up to his chest from how hard he was fixated on it.

The creature jerked suddenly, dragging itself down onto… no wait-  _ into _ the floor as a dark puddle. He watched wide-eyed as the shadow slid towards him, gliding without resistance over the obsidian. It stopped dead exactly where he was pointing, where he wanted it to be, and to his delight, it followed wherever his finger pointed.

For a while he let this entertain him, flinging it around the walls like a laser pointer, only stopping when he accidentally aimed too close to the lava curtain. With a sizzle, he was sure all his fun was over, and he dejectedly let his arms flob back to his sides, but the shadow emerged unharmed, blinking up at him as his hold on it was broken for the moment.

This new revelation sparked something in Dream, something hungry and clever and oh so devious.

If he could control it, and it was indestructible to beatings and squishing and fucking _ lava _ , then there was a lot more than entertainment that this thing could provide for him.

A toothy grin split his face as he raised his hands again, pushing his focus on the cold feeling as hard as he was able.

The creature goes stock still and melts down into a flat shadow again, and he sends it rocketing to what is hopefully the other side of the enormous lava curtain. He tries to envision what the chamber looks like, it had been a good long while since he’d actually seen it, but he had helped draw up the plans, so he should have a rough idea as to where the switch is.

His fingers puppet the creature blindly for a minute or two, and he almost giggles at the sounds of it bumbling around, but eventually he hears the clicks of dozens of dispensers retracting.

Mission accomplished.

He pumps his fist in the air, letting his focus drop again with a triumphant sigh, and watches as the fiery wall slowly falls away.

This was already shaping up to be so interesting, and he had hardly even gotten started investigating this weird new power in his chest.

Once the last of the lava had drained away, he sent his little friend to flip the other switch that would bring the bridge platform over. He made his way to the room nearly seamlessly, but before he could consider any further steps to his escape, Sam burst in, radiating  _ rage _ , trident and sword brandished dangerously in his direction.

“What have you  _ done? _ ” He seethed.

Dream shrugged, scooping the feral little creature up under his arm like a doll.

“I dunno, some weird guy showed up, gave me some new game to play. Gotta say prison was getting boring, I’m sure you understand.”

Sam slashed the sword at him, and Dream had to doge quickly to avoid getting nicked.

“You are not going anywhere you monster. You killed Tommy, hurt everyone, none of this is a game!”

Dream rolled his eyes, and then promptly rolled out of the way of Sam’s trident.

Sam just didn’t get it, and that made sense- he didn’t know that he was up against a god, but it was tiresome to see people be so upset with him over some harmless fun. Tommy was fine, he could always be brought back, anyone could be, none of it mattered. Or at least… it hadn’t mattered, he wasn’t quite sure what to do with the current situation regarding Tommy vanishing, but that was the best part!

A new mysterious game for him to win.

Winning would have to wait however, as Sam’s attacks came closer, and his opportunities to dodge became slimmer. He was stuck on the defensive, and entirely out-geared to a laughable degree. With nothing else on him, he yeeted the creature at Sam, snorting at the alarmed shriek the creeper hybrid let out as it latched onto his face.

With his precious spare seconds, Dream kicked Sam’s legs out from under him, and sped to the big iron piston door. Unfortunately, when he got there the switch to open it was missing. He cursed, whirling around to face the Warden as he finally flung the creature off. How was he meant to get out if Sam had taken the lever?

Sam came at him with an anguished roar, and he would’ve speared Dream through had it not been for the strange looking weapon that appeared in his hands, blocking just in time.

A voice in his head whispered  _ Keyblade _ , and Dream thought that sounded stupid.


End file.
